Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
