I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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