someone threw a dead crab at me
It was confusing and full of hummus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
