You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
God, I missed his penis.
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