but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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