I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
