hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
