I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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