You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Randomize
