omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
