If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am available for nakedness
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
