omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
