Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
