Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
