We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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