i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
