were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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