Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
