GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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