Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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