People in love make me want to vomit
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
