I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
