Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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