THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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