Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
