that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
love makes seman taste better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
