First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
