I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
