I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
