I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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