The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
