i don't like sucking hair
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
