I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
