I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
