She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
