omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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