Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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