just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
