If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize