ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
