Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
