he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
