worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
