It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
