I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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