is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
