I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
