i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
