I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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