I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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