Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Come see our sink grown plant.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
