y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
