You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
