Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
