So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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