exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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