Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
