We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
