Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
