Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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