She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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