I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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