Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
