they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
