i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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