Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
