What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
